Do Better Because You Know Better…
As a silent observer, I have watched history repeat itself in the streets of cities across this country saddened by the lack of progress in my lifetime. Despite the lessons of the civil rights movement, the fight for integrated schools, libraries, public facilities, restaurants, etc I watch us again have to defend the fact that we matter. My stomach hurts by the slap in the face that is like a public flogging or stoning with responses that all lives matter. The anger is visceral as I watch repeated images of the savagery of black men, women, and children being murdered at the hands of the publically employed KKK paid with the very tax dollars of the people they are slaughtering as we are made to defend a simple statement “Black Lives Matter”. As a parent, I recall stopping my children from using an apology as an excuse for continued bad behavior. My response was typically, “Sorry is just an excuse…do better because you know better.” I write this as a prelude to my topic and title, White America please stop with the “I’m so sorry for my privilege. I’m so sorry for systemic racism. I’m so sorry about…..”
I have watched history repeat itself in the streets of cities across this country saddened by the lack of progress in my lifetime.
Over the past few months, many of my Black friends have been the recipient of unsolicited expressions of White guilt in the form of letters, phone calls, DM’s and we are at a loss as to what you are looking for from us? I/we cannot and will not absolve your guilt. Consider this, it took the televised killing of George Floyd to open your eyes when all you had to do is pick up a book or view historic tapes of the civil rights movement. You have turned a blind eye and ear to the misery and injustice visited upon us and our ancestors using a version of threadbare responses like “I didn’t own slaves” or “I don’t see color”, etc. all of which are ignorant at best and assaulting at worst. Yes, I know I said assaulting and not insulting because at this point these statements are just that, an assault on our psyche.
You have turned a blind eye and ear to the misery and injustice visited upon us and our ancestors using a version of threadbare responses like “I didn’t own slaves” or “I don’t see color”, etc. all of which are ignorant at best and assaulting at worst. Yes, I know I said assaulting and not insulting because at this point these statements are just that, an assault on our psyche.
I often wonder whenever I am approached with these confessions or soliloquy of ‘white shame’, “What are they seeking from me?” Forgiveness? How does that benefit you or me? Will it stop your micro-aggressions or stereotypical patterns when you encounter POC that you don’t know or haven’t apologized to? Of course, it won’t, nor will it change your behavior or you in a substantive way.
The thought that we are expected to relive our trauma to appease you of your guilt is at the height of insensitivity. So, I ask you, would you expect a rape victim to accept an apology from their rapist for their misunderstanding that they had taken “privileges” with their body? Or the family of a murder victim to relive their loved one’s murder with an apology for not being woke enough to understand murder is bad, and forgive the murderer? These examples may seem extreme, but for many black people, this is our life experience…literally. We have had members of our family raped and murdered without penalty and our loved ones viewed as an accomplice to their demise, instead of a victim. We have been questioned, interrogated, passed over, turned away, ridiculed, raped, threatened, and murdered because of the color of our skin for generations. So, believe me when I tell you that we do not want your apologies, we want you to Do Better Because You Truly Do Already Know Better.
Your apology is like shit under your shoe. Once you wipe it off you forget about it and continue your journey. Unless you learn why you do something, you cannot change the behavior. If you don’t change, you can’t lead by example and teach your children, family, and community.
We have had members of our family raped and murdered without penalty and our loved ones viewed as an accomplice to their demise, instead of a victim. We have been questioned, interrogated, passed over, turned away, ridiculed, raped, threatened, and murdered because of the color of our skin for generations.
So, believe me when I tell you that we do not want your apologies, we want you to Do Better Because You Truly Do Already Know Better.
We fear. Sometimes without even being aware until we are triggered. We Fear. And as such, PTSD is an everpresent condition that we have learned to live with. It has genetically imprinted on each generation passed down from slavery, like the color of our eyes, our height or appearance. We fear for our children in their own homes and neighborhoods. Not from other black people, but from people who have no business in our communities. We fear the legalized KKK gangs that have been given blue uniforms, a gun, and a license to kill us on sight with no justification or any fear of punishment. We fear leaving our communities and going hiking with friends or family. We fear shopping and dining, walks on the beach, drives in the mountains. We fear our car breaking down, or being the only person of color in any environment. We fear being disappeared. There is more that we fear but it is debilitating to write. So suffice it to say the PTSD is real and so is the fear.
Your apology is like shit under your shoe. Once you wipe it off you forget about it and continue your journey.
Now is not the time to include us in your self-assessment and self-flagellation. It is past the time for you to investigate your own history beginning with the theft of this country from indigenous people. If you truly believe that things must change, then change them. If you truly believe that there is another way than the protests to call attention and make America safe for people of color, then make the change. It needs to happen with you first. We did not create the systemic racism, you did. We did not rewrite history. You did. We can complain, defend, offend, protest, deflect. But it is you who needs to reflect and change. POC in this country have learned to watch and listen because they know they will always be shown who someone is, despite their efforts to tell us who they are. If you want us to believe, then we have to see and experience change without having to shed blood.
The day when equality, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness become my experience is the day that I will know that You have finally become the change that We are looking for.
My response to you is not on behalf of Black America because despite popular i.e. mainstream thinking we are not monolithic and do not think, feel, or respond as a singular entity. That is a cell. We are individual humans with the common denominator of melanin production that affects our pigment and prevents UV-induced DNA damage and malignant transformation of skin cells. Having a black friend, spouse or children, watching black film, listening to black music, or appropriating black culture through surgical procedures, hairstyles, or complexion alterations does not give you special insight or experience of what it means to wear black skin 24/7. At best it gives you a glimpse that allows you to blink and turn away when things get too difficult. But I digress… my response is the collective response of my kindred. Do Better and live by the Declaration that is the foundation of this country you insist we acknowledge and respect. “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. The day when equality, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness become my experience is the day that I will know that you have finally become the change that we are looking for.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Nea Anna Simone is a bestselling author of fiction, entrepreneur, and activist who stands for what is right and against what is wrong. Her books are sold in 20 countries worldwide and a contributor to Launched on Medium.
